Friday, July 9, 2010

If the Modernists & Media ran the Church...

This is all Marcel over at Aggie Catholics... I had to re-post it because it is pretty dead on.
  • 25 - Women priests (but they must always wear approved vestments).
  • 24 - Gay Marriage is fine as long as only one bride's mother is involved at a time
  • 23 - Abortions are only approved in cases of rape, incest, teenage pregnancy, and if you are a woman who is pregnant
  • 22 - Contraception suggested for married couples (and required for non-married couples)
  • 21 - The Eucharist now comes in Honey Wheat, Whole Grain, Avocado and Rice flavors
  • 20 - No more need to confess your sins just receive counseling to overcome guilt
  • 19 - Pope is elected - never mind - no more Pope. But, Bishops are elected by popular vote after the final episode of "So You Think You Can Run An (Arch)Diocese?"
  • 18 - Simple majority decides doctrine and all doctrine is optional
  • 17 - The Bible is now officially interpreted by the Magisterium of Me
  • 16 - No more talk of the fiery abode of demons (i.e. Hell). No more talk of that "bad guy with a pitchfork"
  • 15 - The only sin is telling someone they have sinned (oops, I sinned, my bad)
  • 14 - Bishops now dress in suits (or pant-suits), priests in Dockers (or skirts), and the congregation can "come as you are - on a beach after sweating all day"
  • 13 - Jesus was a super-nice guy, though he bought into some cultural lies of his times, but he ain't God
  • 12 - Latin Schmatin
  • 11 - Who needs tax exempt status? Not the Catholic Church...
  • 10 - All theology professors are now allowed to make it up as they go
  • 9 - Justice, however the United Nations defines it, is now the main thrust of the Catholic Church
  • 8 - Canon Law will now be called "Canon Advice"
  • 7 - In order to make Parishes more welcoming, we will call them "Centers of Loving Care and Hope"
  • 6 - The preferred music at "worship services" includes songs from Creedance Clearwater Revival, U2, Billy Joel, and Marty Haugen
  • 5 - Church buildings will now resemble movie theaters and be called "Supplication Stations"
  • 4 - Religious Education is to focus on self-esteem, crafts, and the environment. It will now be called "The Art of Being Ready for Encountering That Which May or May Not Be"
  • 3 - The Roman Collar is to be replaced with the Butterfly Collar
  • 2 - Father, Son, and Spirit are now Parent, Child, and Essence
  • 1 - Catholic Schools will now be called "Inclusive Pods of Re-education". They will use the Pelosian-mandated Model of Edumacasion
If you don't think this is real... you are dead wrong. The modernist, "Spirit of Vatican II", "WE are church" folks would want this list instituted in total, TODAY, if they could get it "passed." This is the oppositions battle plan, this is what we must fight against.

If you think this is just silly over-exaggeration, you are wrong!The modernist, "Spirit of Vatican II", "WE are church" folks would want this list instituted in total, TODAY, if they could get it "passed." This is the oppositions battle plan, this is what we must fight against.

If you think this is just silly over-exaggeration, you are wrong! We must recognize that these are the goals of the modernists, we must realize that heresy is a threat and that it slithers in through all sorts of seemingly harmless heterodoxy. We must LEARN our Faith, PRACTICES our authentic Faith, and SHARE our faith with our children, family, and friends. We must become warriors of the faith and defend it at all costs.

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