Sheep in the midst of wolves

"Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple as doves.
But beware of people, for they will hand you over to courts and scourge you in their synagogues, and you will be led before governors and kings for my sake as a witness before them and the pagans.
When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say.
For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. -Matthew 10:16-20

setting the record straight

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A recent post of mine: Finding Help drew a lot of comments, many of which were words of encouragement and I wanted to thank folks for that. That being said, I am not downtrodden or dismayed. I am not surprised at the situation, or fearful of the environment. God has told us... that it will not be pretty out there. When he commanded the disciples to go out... he told them that he was sending them as "...sheep in the midst of wolves. So too, should we expect to "...face the wolves."

I want my readers to know that I am not dismayed. I do not think that I have it bad. In fact, quite the opposite. God called us to Alaska. We know that, or we wouldn't be here. He also seems to be calling us to stay, we hope that otherwise we are foolish for what we are doing. In fact, even in the face of a difficult liturgical and parish situation, we have found some of the most amazing friends and people that we could ever hope to meet. We have been asking ourselves what does God want to use us for? How can God make good happen by us being here? We are not asking...what good will come to us by being here? We want to serve Him. We are much less concerned with being served.

in the face of lions

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It is daunting as a Catholic to expect that we are not only to live our lives according to the faith, but in such dire conditions such as the culture we currently live in. On top of that, we are also to face enemies... that often appear to be friends, but are in fact wolves in sheep's clothing. How then can we expect to survive, let alone thrive?

Well, I know I thrive on situations like this. Some people call sky-divers, bungee-jumpers, and other extremists: adrenaline junkies. I would like to think of myself, and of my family as God's-will junkies. We thrive and get a rush from trusting in God in the most extreme and nerve-wracking of situations. Now, I want to clarify that we don't go out looking for trouble, but much like the picture of Daniel to the right, we focus our attention on what is important when we do find ourselves in precarious looking situations. (Dan. 14:32-42)

Isn't that what we are called to do? Are we not supposed to trust in God? As I said in previous post, "sure, I would love some help and guidance" but I know that doesn't always come in the form of another human. I know that our help comes from the Lord, I know that he will guide us and keep us safe. I am not worried. The world can kill our bodies, but not kills our souls.

A song of ascents. I raise my eyes toward the mountains. From where will my help come?
My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth.
God will not allow your foot to slip; your guardian does not sleep.
Truly, the guardian of Israel never slumbers nor sleeps.
The LORD is your guardian; the LORD is your shade at your righthand.
By day the sun cannot harm you, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will guard you from all evil, will always guard your life.
The LORD will guard your coming and going both now and forever. -Psalm 121 

the reason

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Many of you probably want to know why I wrote that post then, in that way? Well... I do feel that way but at the same time I feel this way. I don't think that the two are mutually exclusive, in fact, I think they are common competing thoughts and feelings that people have in the face of adversity. To say that Daniel never feared the jaws, that David looked down on the giant, or that anyone in the face of danger doesn't pause out of self-preservation doesn't understand the gravity, nor the bravery that accompany the commitment of trusting God in the "...midst of the wolves."

Recently, this blog, and a few others, have been "discussed" by some folks in somewhat public forums. We have been accused of being various things, none of which are very commendable. We take that seriously, at least I do. That isn't the intent of this blog. Does it happen? I hope not. Could some posts be perceived that way? I guess. I don't really know how people perceive my blog or my intentions. I try and state things in an honest, sincere and transparent way; I try to mean what I say. I am not perfect, and the Internet is not a perfect medium.

What is most surprising though is that those that speak out against myself, and other bloggers, is that these people never directly confront us. They often use the same means and methods that we do, and yet accuse us of being somehow malicious. It is perplexing at best. I would love direct communication from others. It doesn't have to be public either. I post my email address at the top of the blog. If you read my blog you cannot possibly miss my email. I have never received an email from someone challenging me on my posts; but I have indirectly received quite a few notices about others using facebook, gatherings, and other means to address what has been posted on this blog . Again, this is perplexing at best.

what I am not... and what I have not done

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I am not a perfect Catholic. Far from it. In fact, I don't know where I fit... as I have never really had any direction or formation. I don't profess to be perfect either, in fact I profess to be quite a poor one really. I don't judge other peoples hearts. I don't know their intentions nor do I pretend to know every ones motives. I can't say who will or won't go to heaven, who is or isn't a good Catholic or anything of the sort. Although, we can and should judge actions; be our brother's keeper. (Gen. 4:9) We learned as much in Mass recently. That doesn't mean that when we judge an action... we simultaneously judge that heart. Instead, we should judge an act and pray for the heart.

Again, I find it perplexing, that others would accuse us of being malicious in what we do as bloggers and yet are unwilling to discuss our blogs with us. We are willing to put our thoughts, ideas, and livelihoods out there in a very static and concrete way. Unlike spoken word, my words are immortalized on the interwebs the second I publish my post. I have the luxury of thinking and praying about it before hand, but the clarity that comes from scrutiny of the words comes post facto. Therefore, to attack what I say but to do so without giving me any reply or recourse is... as I said, perplexing. Aren't such attacks guilty of the same thing we are being accused of (albeit falsely) doing? Are not assumptions made about our intentions and our hearts when one judges the motives behind our posts?

I continue to pray everyday for our Church. I pray for the Bishops and priests that have the unenviable task of guiding us all through this tumultuous landscape of war, fear, attack, and disobedience. I pray for their courage and willingness to settle in our hearts and souls these things which trouble us. I pray for the Nuns and Religious that pray for the Church in unrelenting hope and faith. I pray that they not loose confidence nor loose their way.

In conclusion I must state that we will not relent here. We continue to be inspired by the overwhelming support of those readers, lay and clergy alike, that ensure us that our testimony and defense of the faith is worth continuing. We know that the Devil will fight hardest and send his strongest legion of demons upon us when we are closest to truth and victory. We expect the attack, we prepare for the fight, and we place our safekeeping in the hands of our Guardian Angels. We fear not, for the Lord has commanded us. (Joshua 1:9)

We do not foolishly think that it is our doing or our efforts which embolden and inspire you all as readers. We know that it is not us that speak but... "...the Spirit of our Father that speaks through us."

Finding help

To whom do we turn?

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As Catholics, in whom should we seek counsel? If we are not in an area where we can get a spiritual director, where do we turn? Who do we seek for counsel? What if there is no one? God is there, yes... but in what person to we entrust our thoughts, concerns, worries, confusion, and spiritual health?

Many people accuse bloggers of being holier than thou or casting rocks at others as "less than, Catholics"... but for myself, and many others, that simply isn't true. Many bloggers I know are so torn with pain inside... that this is their only outlet. It is horrifically difficult to be a Catholic in today's world. Try having a conversation with other Catholics about birth control, homosexuality, or even the idea of using latin at Mass. You will be vilified, yelled at, and de-friended. Try seeking counsel in Church leadership regarding veils, kneeling, confession, or explanation regarding traditional practices... you may be corrected, brushed-off, ignored, or outcast. Use words like, hell, Satan, spiritual warfare, battle against evil, or weapons of the faith... you will be laughed at, yelled at, and cast-off as extreme and archaic. 

If this happens... to where, or to whom do we turn?

casting stones

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I was asked the other day by a friend if I receive negative comments on my blog. For the most part I do not... I am humble enough to know that most people wouldn't waste their time correcting my foolishness, my brazenness, my outlandish comments, my ignorance, or my unfortunate uncharitable judgments. Then they asked me why I blog, and I answered them.

"It is my spiritual outlet. I live where I don't have a spiritual director, regular confessor, or even a pastor to discuss things with. I have no ministries, no groups, and almost no avenues to actively participate in functions of the Faith. If I had a men's group... I would need to make one less post a week. If there was a young adults group, a theology on tap, a bible study, or any type of ministries or apostolates at our parish... I wouldn't need to make a lot of my posts.

They say God gives us everything that we need. He gave me the idea to blog. I am not perfect at it... nor am I close. But since I have no one to guide me personally... this becomes my guide. The friend then asked how it improves me as a Catholic... or spiritually, especially if I make mistakes or accuse others of faults? That questions was hard... but then it came to me: maybe I am meant to make mistakes... so that others with correct me, and thereby guiding me on a path closer to God. Maybe one day, a priest will get so fed up reading my heretical mistakes and rants... that he will be convinced that he must correct me and guide me. I continue to pray.

seeking truth

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I don't want to seem ungrateful. God is good and provides me with this avenue of learning and faith. I am not always right. Sure I write with an authoritative attitude sometimes, but when one believes something, they should be convicted. I try and espouse the teachings of the Church, and not simply my opinion of it. My opinion shouldn't matter, and neither should yours. What matters is the truth... that which we should all be seeking... constantly. 

But how do we know the Truth? How can we discern what we should do in life to live the Truth of God, given to us as the Word made flesh? Where do we find help...to find God?

The world is attacking us constantly, and we, along with our Guardian Angels, are locked in spiritual warfare with an enemy hell bent on destroying our souls and damning us forever in a lake of fire. You would hope that there might be someone out there to guide you... but who is that person? Where do we find them? Whom do we trust.

I pray... that I find that help.

Retreat

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retreats

Last night I went to the home of a local parishioner to hear a priest speak about "Being a Catholic In Today's World." It was spiritually invigorating and emotionally uplifting. It hit the spot! It gave me the feeling one gets after sipping on a nice refreshing drink after toiling for hours on some project. The turnout was more than we expected. We sort of "threw" this together last week, when we found out he was staying in the local area on his own "personal retreat." He is in Alaska giving a pair of retreats and was spending some time recharging himself, but was quite gracious to give us a quick talk, and evening of fellowship. 

The bummer for my family, is that he is giving a retreat this weekend up in Denali for young adults and families, and unfortunately we can't go for a multitude of reasons.  My wife and I are big fans of retreats, having planned and attended quite a few in our lives, and are very disappointed we can't go this weekend. But we are hoping to do a one-day retreat sometime soon for our friends, so that we can all recharge a bit heading into the fall. Of course we wont have the assistance of a priest (unless any priests that read the blog have a spare weekend, that they would like to spend up in Alaska). 

blogs

We have had family here recently, so I haven't been blogging the way I usually do, but at the same time trying to keep up. Blogging is weird, I think we all go through phases in what we post and why we post. Lately due to spiritual reasons and my family being here, I have had a dry spell. I have been reading blogs still, and realized that there seems to be a lot of angst, and I got to thinking: "maybe we should all just take a break... over the weekend. A Blog Pause?" Something tells me that won't happen.

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spiritual direction

So I have this delusion that Vincenzo, Swiss Miss, Cathy, Terry, Adoro, and the rest of the Minnesota Church Militant all sit around on the weekends drinking watermelon & strawberry vodka drinks (isn't that what Minnesotans drink?) and discussing their faith. I envision that they drive in Audis to St. Agnes, go to Tridentine Mass in their Ralph Lauren, and then spend Sunday afternoon at some park with a Dominican or FSSP priest (not to mention the squirrels) about the spiritual direction they each need, receive the Sacrament of Reconcilliation, and then all play croquet with Fr. Z at his compound. 

I KNOW! Delusional right? Or... is it? 

I think about this because I feel like Alaska is a spiritual desert. I have some very faith-filled spiritual friends up here. Ones that teach me a lot. What we don't have is a sophisticated spiritual infrastructure. So I feel sorry-for-ourselves a lot. Which is uncalled for. The priest last night regaled stories of saints that wandered through deserts alone. Saints that died in destitute situations that make my spiritual desert look like a Disneyland. So I should shut up and quit complaining, and focus on my faith. The promise of Heaven is all the Hope one needs. 

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Would like to taste Watermelon & Strawberry drinks though...

A little girly, I KNOW, but I bet they are still good!

I thirst...

~~~

Wandering

As I woke up this morning... I found myself spiritually somewhere rather shocking. I can't really place my finger on how and why I got here... but I am here. I will embrace the path God has me on and not run from it. Where would could I go, anyway?

Spiritual Direction

I have never had a spiritual director. I have never really had any formal Catechetical formation. (I had three months of once a week RCIA & 3 years of Catholic law school.) I honestly have learned most of my faith from my wife, her family, my family (who were not practicing Catholics), and the Catholic Blog-o-phere. I am not joking.

God's Will

I am at one of those points in life where it seems as if God said: "I'll call you right back..." and you just sit there "waiting by the phone." I know He is going to call, and I know when He does, there is going to be some awesome news forthcoming, but the minutes turn to hours. (In this case the days are turning to months).  I know that God's will should be done, and not my own. That isn't the matter. It is the patience that is the matter... and I am not well trained in this virtue.

Friends and Family

I am lucky... I have people praying for me. My family and friends are dear in this regard. I know that this wandering is temporary. I plan to learn from it. I plan to grow. I am trying to accept this as a learning opportunity and not as punishment.