SkyMall Follies: DIY traction. Please no auto-erotic asphyxiation jokes

This is the second in my series of SkyMall Follies posts. A look at the best and worst from the mile high catalogue of fun, games and madness that is the SkyMall.

Last time it was WWII Chess set. This time we have the "NeckPro Traction Device" ($50.95). A picture is supposed to tell a thousand words. But in the case on the NeckPro its promotional picture tells just 16 words - "Don't try this at home unless under the supervision of a trained bondage and discipline professional".

Targeted at both the do it yourself uninsured health care fool and the I want to live and die like David Carradine manic, this product contains a head noose/cradle/support that is attached to a pulley like structure which in turn can be affixed to a door. Yes- I could use those exact same words to describe a hangman's noose. Because that is exactly what it is except without the eye-holes, trapdoor and a series of drummer boys tapping out a death march costs extra.

Sexual and capital punishment innuendoes aside, if you suffered from chronic neck or back pain, then surely the last thing you would want to do is self medicate while wearing khakis and loafers.

Welcome to the Folly Files NeckPro. May the actor who posed for the photo in this advert one day be able to hang his head in shame.

SkyMall Follies: "brightening the room" with WWII Chess

Plenty of reasons to hate domestic travel in the US - age of the aeroplanes, on board food (or lack of it), the "no way am I going to pay $25 to check this, it will fit in the overhead locker" attitude that has added 25 plus minutes to the boarding process etc. But I love reading SkyMall. This is the ubiquitous and free magazine that contains 200 plus pages of junk, crap, stuff, items for the discerning consumer.

I love this magazine because (much like Las Vegas, K-Tel and un-missable DVD collections of the Dean Martin Show) it shows that human beings can come up with just about anything to take money from you. In between this busy week of PhoCusWright posts and activities I am going to share with you three or four of my favourite SkyMall items. The ultimate in discerning items for the ultimate in discerning customers.

SkyMall Follies Item number 1 - WWII Chess Set and Storage Box $219.99.

Themed chess sets are nothing new. From Elvis to the Simpsons and everywhere in between companies have been reinventing the look of chess through replacing typical black vs white and rook and pawn with multi-colours and character pieces.

But now I have seen - through the magic of SkyMall - a remodelling of chess that not only breaks the rules of neutrality in the two sides of the chess game but carries a level of insensitivity that even a mindless kitsch product developer should have picked up.

In the spirit of "brightening the room" (their words) and "fun to play" (again their words) with the WWII Chess Set you can elect to either lead Franklin D Roosevelt (white king) and the American Military or Adolf Hitler (black king) and his German Troops. That's right for just $219.99 plus tax and delivery you can relive your fantasy of leading a "hand painted" and "detailed" 3.25 inch Adolf Hitler into strategic battles against the forces of freedom. Bargain. Staggering. Madness. A classic SkyMall folly. More to come

I still call Costa Brava Home...when is Perth Australia walking distance to the Mediterranean

If you haven't see it yet, check out the article over at Times online Costa Brava Pyrenees Tourism authority was caught using a stock image of a beach in Western Australia as part of their marketing campaign. Makes sense. You would not want to chose an East Coast image (ie Sydney) because it would be too much effort to have to photoshop out all the shark fins swimming in the water.

(Jacobs Stock Photography/Getty/La Vanguardia) (Perth on the left, Costa Brava Advert on the right)

What the hell does Recombobulation mean? Maybe the TSA can help?

This sign was spotted at Milwaukee's Mitchell International Airport. It is the place passengers go after the security check to put their belt and shoes on and reassemble computers and toiletry packs. I tried to search around for the definition of Recombolutation. This was a typical response online

That is - it is a made up word. Trying to figure it out I came across "Combobulate" which is (according to definition-of.com)

To put together in a somewhat mysterious manner. To bring something out of a state of confusion or disarray. To manufacture by some unusual or novel means. Antonym: discombobulate.

So drawing on my very poor high school grammatical training it is very nice of the Transport Safety Authority (TSA) to provide people with a place for Recombobulation or the

"putting back together of personal items in a somewhat mysterious manner"

Not sure if helping people do things in a mysterious manner should be hallmark of TSA service but then I am not the professional in this area. I am just thrilled to be able to add the word recombobulation to my list of techorati tags.

UPDATE - Looks like it was the airport not the TSA that put up the sign. Here is what the photographer "lark is already taken" had this to say about the photo in an exchange with me

"FWIW I had the impression that the airport put up the sign, not the TSA. Perhaps the airport is expressing an opinion on the whole screening process.."

Hat tip to Consumerist for the story and lark is already taken for the photo

UPDATE 2 - More fame and recognition for Milwaukee. The American Dialect Society has voted "Recombobulation" as the most creative word of 2008. To complete the story - the winner of the "word of the year" was "Bail Out" with runners up including "lipstick on a pig" and "change". Thanks to Steve Sherlock at Oodles who sent me the link.

Quick Break from the Spectator - how to make a profit flying BA to Argentina

Cute story from the Spectator. How to keep getting yourself bumped from BA flights to generate a profit and a long weekend in London. Not sure of the truth of it. The fact that the Spectator gave it a run should mean something but old media has been fooled in the past.

Election Break - I'm no stats expert but my guess is that CNN is calling Maine a little too early

With three votes counted they are predicting an Obama landslide!

The TSA marked you as a terrorist? Then simply change your name

Great story over at Upgrade: Travel Better (Mark Ashley's industry blog) about Mario Labbé - a Canadian that found himself in the infamous Homeland Security black book, ensuring that he spent hours with customs officials everytime he crossed the US/CA border. Solution - he changed his name to François Mario Labbé. Problem solved. Check out the full story here.

Qantas story and ad mishap in Age newspaper

Australian Broadcasting Corporation media industry show Media Watch picked up a great "why did we put that ad on that page of the website" story involving Qantas and the online version of Melbourne's Age newspaper. Check it out.

Bejing Olympics: Translate Server Error restaurant

If you have not seen it yet pop over to Adfreak.com to see the shot of the Beijing restaurant that clearly relied on a website to translate the cafe's name from simplified Chinese into English. The result - the cafe is now called "Translate server error".

If you are planning a Moose Hunt - get cracking. Frontier is increasing Antler transport costs 33%

Quick Friday fun. You thought $15 for the first checked bag on American was bad. Frontier has announced that from Jun 10 the cost of transporting antlers will increase by a whopping 33% from $75 to $100. So if you are planning a hunt get going. Thankfully it is still cheaper to breed than to hunt. The price of unaccompanied minors in only increasing 25% (from $40-$50). Alternatively it is poppy harvesting season right now in Afghanistan. Which wont cost you anything - in fact could be quite lucrative if a little risky. Contact Ariana Afghan Airline for travel arrangements.

hat tip to the ever-lovin' Consumerist

thanks to rrogersphotos for the photo from flickr

Hubwear city pair winners announced

Follow this link for the city pair competition winners list.

Hubwear: so everyone knows which route you took

Thanks to Peter Topping at Webjet for sending through a link to Hubwear's roundtrip t-shirts. As you see this is the ultimate in travel geek chic with t-shirts showing city pairs. Peter and I tried to come up with the best combination of city pairs for a Hubwear t-shirt. Peter took the early lead with a suggestion of combining the unlikely pairing of Ezeiza Int'l Airport in Buenos Aries and Ladysmith Airport in South Africa (ie EZE LAY). Can you do better? Winner will be sent a Hubwear t-shirt with the winning design care of the BOOT.

Update - last chance to enter. Will declare a winner on Wednesday 30th. If you are reading this post in an RSS feed you have to check out the comments

Update 2 - this little contest got a mention in the LA Times blog section here.

WINNERS
3rd Prize - simply because it would look so silly on a t-shirt the third prize goes to Nice to Tsaratanana, Madagascar - NCE TTS

2nd Prize - for the unfortunate imagery and helping be get a link out of the LA Times goes to LA to Ati Airport in Chad - LAX ATV (just topped Anglesey, UK to Shepparton, AU HLY SHT for this prize)

1st Prize - I felt compelled to give the award to a combo that might actually get worn in pubic (unfortunately excluding a number of hilarious combinations below and Peter's original entry above). So the prize goes to Finley Aus - Barnstable US or FLY HYA. It captures the perfect combination of city pairs, a love of flying and maybe a hint of naughtiness. If "Karen" gets in touch via timsboot [at] gmail [dot] com, then I will organise for a t-shirt to be sent over.

Thanks to all for fantastic entries.

UPDATE - here is the winning shirt


UPDATE - over at the travellerspoint forums that are continuing the thread with more examples such as Barksdale AFB, US to Sembach, Germany - BAD SEX

Consumerist is on a roll - US Bankruptcy and Merger Cheat Sheet

I love the Consumerist. Check out this fantastic "State of the Air" Cheat sheet. Original post here.

Consumerist: Lonely Planet Writer Admits to Fabricating Guide Book Based On Info From Girlfriend

I love the Consumerist blog. Not sure what to think of Lonely Plant after this story about the shenanigans of guide writer Thomas Kohnstamm - "Lonely Planet Writer Admists to Fabricating Guide Book Based On Info From Girlfriend"

Horror Familiarisation trip as 10 travel agents held hostage in China

Frightening story coming out of Shaanxi province in China (location of the entombed warriors). Ten Australian travellers - all of them travel agents on a famil - were taken hostage. A hijacker (now dead at the hands of Chinese authorities) stormed the tour bus and took the travel agent hostage for about 2 hours before being tricked into leaving the tour bus and being shot by the authorities. According to reports none of the Australian travel agents were hurt. SMH story here.

I am never going to complain about a business trip ever again.

thanks to barjack for photo (via flickr)

501 not out

Time has passed and the posts keep flowing. Time for my "not out series" - a regular summary of the last 100 posts that I first started with 101 not out and continued with 201 , 301
and 401.

Just like the 401 update it has been deals, deals, deals that has dominated the last 100 BOOT rants:

• Wotif evenutally managed to by Travel.com.au/Lastminute.com.au despite a fight from Webjet and a cunning move from AOT. Followed up almost immediately buying Asia Web Direct;
• TripAdvisor launched a new version and continued its targeted site buying spree with HolidayWatchdog;
• TravelCLICK was sold to Genstar and the BOOT called it first;
• The Asian acquisition bonanza continued as Priceline returned to the market though an acquisition of Agoda, ;
• Sidestep disappeared in a flood of newly raised Kayak cash; and
  
• Venere bought Worldby.
  

Cash flowed into online travel:

• Fastbooking took Euro35mm;
  
• Worktopia grabbed $5mm;
  
• Bezurk got "an undisclosed sum" from News;
  

I spent some interesting times on the phone doing start up interviews with:

• Yen Lee of Kango;
  
• Gregg Brockway of TripIt;
  
• Martin Symes of Bezurk; and
• Kellie Pelletier of Kayak.

In the weird world of quirky news:

• bags fell from the sky;
  
• The president of Sri Lanka got bumped and was not happy about it;
  
• Man fired dog and bragged about it; and
  
• nobody, I repeat nobody is doing anything naughty naughty in the new Singapore Airlines double bed suites.

Oh and Qantas turned from being the flying Kangaroo to the thieving Rat.

But I saved my most angriest post for number 400 - the last in this seasons. When the new Australian government said they were doing me a favour by continuing to allow Qantas to over charge me on flights to America.

If you're still reading then I'm still writing.

China Eastern in new marketing activity to improve duty free sales

It is definitely photo week here at the BOOT. Thanks to Madame BOOT for finding this great piece of Engrish on a China Eastern check-in sign.

UPDATE - thanks to Luke for adding to the China Eastern English collection with this "No Crabs Allowed" check-in sign

Virgin Galactic SpaceShip Two is a beautiful looking machine

It must be photo day today at the BOOT (here is the other). The photo (found on TechCrunch) of the Virgin Galactic SpaceShipTwo caught my eye and had me drooling. At $200k a pop though this is not for the faint hearted or small walletted. Five years until launch.

American Airlines Ex-CEO Bob Crandall in "Man Fires Dog" story

Great video and story from the Consumerist on airline cost cost cutting gone mad with American Airlines Ex-CEO Bob Crandall discussing the merits of combining animal wrangling with ruthless micro management.

Airline Industry - Sri Lankan style - give the president a seat or get the hell out of town

There is simple rule when you are in charge of a government owned airline - do whatever the president of the country says or pack your bags. Unfortunately Peter Hill the now CEO of SriLankan Airlines (British National) was caught by this rule. Story from e-tid (registration required) that staff at the airline refused to bump 35 passengers from a it scheduled London to Colombo via Maldives flight to accommodate President Mahinda Rajapaksa and his 35 strong entourage. Rajapaksa was returning from seeing his song graduate from the Royal Naval College (ie not official business). There is clearly a bit of he said, she said behind this story. The Airline says quite simply that the airline was full and no notice was given. The president seemed to channel blues great BB King by saying words to the effect of "by I am paying the cost to be the boss", threw in a little bit of "dont' you know who I am" before ending off with "you'll be sorry come Monday morning" (ok I made that bit up). In the end the Prez had to charter a flight to get home. Come the morning Hill's work permit is revoked forcing him to give up the top job at the airline and presumably leave the country. Hill was appointed to the airline by Emirates (who own 43.63%) so hopefully will be quickly saved from the jobless queue. For standing by his customers despite the utmost pressure that can be applied I have given Peter Hill the inaugural BOOT Airline Customer Care Devotee of the Year award.

UPDATE - 8 Jan 08 Emirates has announced (according to TravelToday) that it will not renew its management contract in March with SriLankan Airlines and sell its stake in the carrier. I would guess the deportation of a key Emirates exec must have been a factor or at least an indication of the state of the relationship between Emirates and the Sri Lankan government (though there is nothing in the story to suggest a link).